Untitled

I found myself in anticipation of saying hello,
goodbye.
I intended to speak and say “see you later,”
but the moment just wasn't opportune;
others had already captured your attention,
affection,
adoration.
Though I knew, had known, now known,
It’s me that has apprehended your heart.
And with that in mind,
I opted to not bother;
disrupt the flow of discourse.
Because I knew yes, of course;
you saw me,
always acknowledged me.
It’s in the way that you look at me.
Let’s me know yes, you see me,
know it’s me.
And no never do I intend to stir envy,
so,
I just hold back the moments:
times I've almost affixed your attire,
the way you affix your eyes on me;
taken hold of your hand,
the way you embrace my attention;
kissed your cheek lovingly, encouragingly,
the way that I feel your heart loving me,
dotingly.
Just wanting to let you know,
remind you,
Yes, I know it’s me.
Just as you have always known, it’s you.
We know it’s a mutual.
So my beloved,
I look forward to seeing you again
and as the moment extends,
at that time we will surely greet again. 

Copyright © 2013 Rayne Writes

Intimacy

You said
that
you desire to remove physicality.
Because in
all actuality you value our friendship/
and
the kinship of
how we just somehow relate.
More than just physique,
what we have is something quite unique.
#Feelingmutual
Though often times neutral,
it’s always cool though
because,
when I seeee yoooooou
the connection is an ever so present
rekindling of past moments.
We
sorta,
kinda,
but really
just
vibe.
Feelings become alive
when I’m around you.
Often inspired,
most times undesiring to hug goodbye,
because
I’m ever chasing this high.
And,
if I can just capture the moment,
I would be somewhat fine.
Well, at least until the next time.
It’s a hit,
so
stay right there;
text messaging
and,
real conversation
and,
respecting the others’ space,
#neverhatin’
Let’s just laugh again
while relatin’ on
#thatmentalhype.
You treat me like
such a lady
and
it feels so amazing.
You don’t just want my body,
tryna get me bodied;
So now, I can really feel…
deep penetration:
mental stimulation
thought formulation
provocation.
Never weird,
though
strangely odd;
more of out of the ordinary,
and,
I like the feelings I get
with each experience.
Time spent ,
yes, I’m quite confident
of this embodiment.
#pureenjoyment

You see,
truth is that
I’ve never really gotten past the moment,
because it’s hard for me to hold back and
express feeling without emotion.
So, I’ll admit it.
I like holdin hands
and cuddlin’.
Which
I know
tends to lead to more than
“just friends.”
So yes, while it is a good thing;
the building trust in
and confiding in,
being seen as more than
just the next woman.
I’m really kinda fearful.
Of…
the time we spend;
writing and,
late nights spent,
romancin’
and then others,
holding hands trying to build something;
#writersunite
Forget making plans,
I’m
holding on to what you said
because,
until then transcends now,
I suggest that we allow
this interest in
to remain interestin’
through intimance,
and going deep within;
penetrating
and
hittin ish
until we get those
juices
f
l
o
w
i
n’.
When you be flowin’ in,
and goin in,
I feel it within,
every inch of my being.
You give it just how I like it,
yea you got that bomb ish;
such an amazing lyricist…
that
#SUPERstarstatus
You be
hittin it
and comin’ in;
Make me come again.
#creativeexchanges
As I allow you to
enter in:
this intimance,
Unprotected.
This level of vulnerability
requires transparency.
And,
if you keep allowing me,
most assuredly,
then eventually,
we evidently,
create intimacy
until
the ultimate (new) release
#justflowwithme

Your Birthday


It was your birthday
and I was the gift he presented
To you,

With you in mind,
he picked it…
the date,
place,
yes, even the time.

He loaned himself,
and
I borrowed the moment.
Cheers to yooooou,
It was me that he came to see
on
your birthday.
Your gift he desired to spend on me
willfully.
Loving on,
doting on,
devoting your time,
while
giving his attention.

He gave us both a promise:
his illusion

It was I who answered when you called,
said “Hi.”
Hello,
your rebuttal was “Why?”
Goodbye
I opted to end it…
prematurely
it pained me to digest the sound of your hurt;
the sadness,
of which I had the task of bearing witness.
And yes, I’ll even admit it:
I aided the culprit.
It was he who created this madness;
perpetual confusion.

No vested interest,
just left us with the high priced tag,
our emotions taxed,
and we had to pay.

Please forgive me Dear Birthday Girl,
let’s toast to us…

Sealed with Your Kiss,
On My Lips

Copyright © 2012 Rayne

Passionate Me


It touched me

Granting me the ability to

reach places

touch/uncommon spaces

Mentally

No,

I won’t just let it be

And

Can’t just let it be

Because

The passion is in me

Passionate me

Passionately

You see

Actually

It Burns in me

And

I can’t contain it

Neither

explain it

No, I’m not complainin’

But

You just can't understand it

This passion in me

Passionate me

Passionately

What you think, I somehow know

and

That you believe, I truly am

and

What you factualize I actualize

So,

Please

Just

Realize that

often times I try to withhold it

Thinking

they just don’t understand it

but I can’t control it

No

they won’t understand it

so practice self-control then

because they can’t understand it...

the passion in me

passionate me

passionately

So,

As you speak it, I just think it

Thinking if but a moment I

Spoke what I was thinking

I know it’ll be too much

Because I’m just too much

So, I

just

Think again.

And,

then again

At times I can no longer hold back

This

Passion in me

because

Passionate me

just

Passionately

seethes…


Copyright © 2012 Rayne

Our Hope is in You Lord


When all conspires us to fail
and
situations around us yield hell
and
those we love blatantly seem to uncare,
it is there…
in
that place
in
this space
that
Hope has embraced us
and
replaced all else.
Yes,
even some others.
And
though they seek reason
only, we know
that
this-is -the season…
for a New Hope;
and,
we know that
by allowing Him to come in,
It can only be a win-win.
and
Because we allowed Him to come in,
He- has ordained each step of this
perfected path;
Because of the Hope
that we have in Him
and
not them
our Hope is in Him and not them
I remind you that
our Hope is in Him and not them.

The integrity has been preserved,
yes
character perfected,
leaving our enemy but one choice is:
to disconnect us;
and
I implore you to rebuke the inner me from consuming the best of we,
so,
continue to walk upright;
in
unity because
only together are we able to even keep this core tight

Establishing in just 3 months
what many fail in 3 years
yes,
surely we know that the glory can only be attributed to Him
and not them.

He has given us a New Hope
of
unprecedented favor
and
the blessings just continue to overtake us

Though you may not be aware
but
when you’re not for us
then you are against us
but if God be for us
then He’s more than them/all against us
so
what more besides
using the very foolish
to
confound what is considered wise…
at least In their own lies.
If but for a moment they would stop and realize
Just stop and realize
how unwise it is to await our demise
because
surely,
the Lord and His eyes are affixed upon us

As wisdom would answer:
just bless
and in turn be blessed
because we have been given a New Hope
and
this Hope that we have
has yet to see its very best
and
yes
Hope shall continue to arise
because
it is in You Lord
only in You Lord
our Hope is in You Lord
This New Hope we have is in You Lord

~Written and ministered in Spoken Word for New Hope Worship Center Richmond, CA

The Heart



Most valued;
honorable.
“Upon this rock I will build My church,”
He declared.
And upon His rock He ordained this church.
His rock,
His rib,
Backbone.

Labored
in love;
toiled
with care.
No fault,
or blemish,
just purely…
the heart of it.

Deeply rooted;
the vine bringing forth fruit,
of the Spirit;
the heart that is in it.
Abiding in Him,
and He in them,
to produce works…
even
Greater than these.
He is well-pleased.
Not seeing how man sees,
He favors the heart…
Of it all.
And them all.
“Go and possess the land” He decrees.
Walk
in prosperity,
so you can See…
that which I prepared
for them who love me.
Whole heartedly.

I have given you My ministry;
established you,
appointed you,
it is My oil that anointed you;
shepherd over My people,
I entrusted you.
Because My eyes,
have Seen,
and
My ears have Heard,
your true worship;
My Spirit
residing in
My truth
is that which dwells beneath
The Heart of it all

Written and Ministered in Spoken Word for Triumphant Worship Center's *Fairfield, CA 2nd year church anniversary celebration

A First Lady's Heart


A first lady...
Who can find her?
Heart.
more valuable than
the vessel encased about it;
her anointing speaks to multitudes.

Inclined are many ears,
attempting to hear that which her lips can't seem to conjure.
Words concealed behind the smiles.
Humble,
yet still speaking...
magnitudes.

In holy matrimony
yet
she masks her testimony,
yearning for but one
to seek her.
Not hard to find
but drifting further away
as she carries the many burdens day by day by day
and still
She remains...
Poised.
Beaming brightly outside,
but vastly depleting deep down inside,
as she gathers remnants of baggage;
excessively weighing
down her bejeweled...
prized possession.
Under appreciation
misrepresentation
depreciation;
lying dormant beneath the shadow
of her other's half

Behold for one minute,
heed her heart...
still beating;
orchestrating a song and dance
to the life outside of the make-up.
Flawed in the many
visual perfections.

Not first before man
but her creation he said...
was good.
Appeasing in God's sight.
He calls her blessed!
Fearful of the Lord
she is to be praised!

Lauded as the backbone,
the right holding his left
standing upright;
the union
which God ordained.
As she holds it together
he cleaves unto her,
providing
a head of
protection over his first lady's heart.

She bears all,
and
he carries her...
gently nestling her gem
in the safety of his unchanging hand...

~Written and Ministered in Spoken Word for Sisters Inspiring Sisters (S.I.S.) organization

There's Something on the Inside of Me


Deep
Down
Beneath
this surface of transparency
Inarticulate/
Unable to conjure
words/
the feeling’s ineffable
This thing that keeps lingering/
constructing a stronghold on me
There’s something on the inside of me
So immense that
Even they on the outside
Can see
Clearly

Deep
Down
On the inside of me
It keeps me
Holding on/
Choosing right rather than wrong/
Admitting my wrongs
This thing that lives inside of me
It’s unseen
Yet
Quite keen
Discerning

In Essence
It’s
The Spirit of God
Anointing me
Even in spite of me
Living
are the
waters flowing
Out of me
Once shut up
now
can’t contain
this fire generating deep within
my belly;

Igniting me
with
supernatural power that it gives to me/
The Love imparted unto me/
Its light that shines translucently/
from the inside of me

This holy spirit inside
commands instruction from on high
transcending me beyond cloud nine
time after time after time
and
it’s all mine
the Spirit of God
dwelling
deep
down
on the inside of me
constantly
reminding me
strengthening me
blessing me
it keeps
me

Pouring directly unto me
is
the Holy Spirit within me
forever
living
Deep
Down
On the inside of me

Debut for Spoken Word Ministry

Spiritual Magnetism


Staring...
intently into mine
his eyes pierce my inner soul
fragmenting the core of my being.
Vulnerable,
yet refusing to lose,
mine battle his.
Enchanted.
The emission invokes a supernatural occurrence
and
I denounce my position of authority
overwhelmed by the spiritual intensity
of
first sight.
I bear witness
to
God’s anointing power
permeating the spirit realm.
Baffled,
I persist; relinquished by the moment.
Once rushed time
now stands
unhurried.
Lives adjoin
worlds transplant
spirits interlace
as hearts
now ponder.
Questions emerge
and I remain.
Captivated.
Surrendering amid the mounting transparency
of our conspicuous exchange,
his eyes digress...
diffusing the once imprisoned connection.
Momentarily at best.
In desperation,
his eyes seek mine
only to find spiritual magnetism
imploring
once more...

The Virtues of a Woman


Proverbs 31:10-31 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies...

The way to a man’s heart is not in the direction of the bedroom, any lady can fulfill the flesh, but the way down the aisle is through a woman’s God given virtues…

Beyond the plaster of a fabricated smile, will his Spirit see your heart…even from a mile?

Without make-up and hidden facades, are you a natural beauty bearing the image of God?

If you take away the marginal material would your worth still align?

Minus the curvaceous hips and acrylic finger tips, do you still have it going on or are you reliant upon voluptuous lips and over-priced whips?

Through the formed fitting of your attire can you still shape, mold, and be transformed into a sapphire; only for him to admire?

Without expensive trips, VIP treatments, and full length minks, will you still be the woman he thinks or instead frown up like your stuff doesn’t stink?

Without the glitz, glam, diamonds, and things, can you be his ROCK even without a mere thing?

Once the beauty fades will you still SHINE?

You may be the life of the party, but is there still life in you after the party?

Can you accept his past, always be present, and show him that you are the future?

If you can’t save your jewel until you say I do, how can you expect him to value your treasure the whole way through?

Out of the bedroom, are you capable of putting it down and rocking his World while holding him down? Or will he walk around saddened, his face the shape of a frown?

Can you assume the position as the head when all comes to a head or instead, will you claim that he isn’t the “man” you wed, and berate his manhood with things you shouldn't have said?

Can you build up a home on the foundation of God, or will you tear it down briskly by the fire of your tongue?

Without the house on the hill, luxury wheels, and six-figure income, will you still see him as a king and then some?

Will you make it right when he ventures left or will you deem it right to shake him to the left?

If he cries will you wipe his tears or do you view him less than a man when his inner child cries out to be nurtured; by a woman because only she can.

If he falls will you catch him or will you fail at his stumble?

When he falls on hard times do you possess enough strength to pick up the pieces time after time, or will you make it harder and simply nag and whine?

Can you still see God’s perfection amid his mounting imperfections? Do you perfect his imperfections or do you deny him entitled affection when all doesn’t go in YOUR direction?

Can you offer words of encouragement and melodies of praise if he shuns you because of the way he was raised?

Will you fast and pray during the trails or will you move fast to have him pay for the impending divorce trial?

Can you be his backbone or will you be a thorn in his side when you should be the rib by his side from which God ordained?

Are you a bonafide virtuous woman? Or do you hide in the shadows of us for whom God created one man…

Genesis2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
2:21-24 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman,
for she was taken out of man."
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

UNTITLED (A short story I am working on)


Revelation.
9 months
The old passed away, a new conceived.
Simultaneously;
breaking the silence, and giving birth to my mystery man.
She disclosed
that he lived 2 separate lives
2 households
And then a then a 3rd
Contraction.
...baby on the way…

In 10 different voices
the once unspoken truth, now spoke of tales of 3 year love affairs, late night ventures, unprotected seduction, while loving him loving them loving him.
Notes of money spent
Heartfelt stories of love taken for granted
Watching time being wasted
Contraction.

I had no clue
Just a mere inkling and my woman intuition
Then premonitions visited my dreams:
I saw his phone, discovered the truth...
Just weeks prior to THIS
then
my dreams coincided with my reality,
and the startling revelation hit me…reverberating
AngerHurtConfusionConfusionHurtAnger
Disappointment.
Reality set in.
The names were accompanied by faces; a myriad of the beautiful queens of the human races
Contraction.

A phone call ensued, with the claim of a stalker initially explained until…
The follow-up.
And,
to my astonishment, my mystery man openly divulged to me the naked truth.
Contracting, my ear swallowed many accounts of mayhem prolonged…
And then
By some calculated fate he came to realize his mistakes
Eventually,
subduing his desires of the flesh, refusing to continue to par(take)
never giving
he knew too much was at stake/the price too high
so my beloved said good bye to the former…
Pushing,
the old passed away,
a new life
begun


Chapter 1

5:02pm.
I routinely insert my key into the lock of my apartment door number 6401.
Sigh…
Home! Friday, the start of a fabulous weekend. Hmmm… What to do tonight?
I ponder as I enter into my haven.
Tossing the keys on the granite counter top, I set my purse atop the middle barstool nestled neatly amid its two taller matches. Removing the worn pumps my feet have been badgering the past 10 hours, I begin to massage my overworked, underpaid feet.
This has been one of the longest days of my life. My mind urges. Bzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzz. Derailed from the train of thought, I instinctively retrieve my BlackBerry from the charger: “Cousin, what are we doing tonight?” the text message reads.
Reply. “Our usual spot. Santana Row, here we come!”
I smile to myself reminiscing on the many Santana Row ventures my cousin Robert and I have shared…

Folding my hands on the familiar oak table, I gazed out the massive window situated to my right; my eyes greeted the water and matched its dance. As the waves gently swayed, hues of tangerine orange and fiery red began to subside with the submersion of plum purple.
My gaze still intertwined with the water, I belted out “I am done. I’ve had enough of the lies and the drama.” Breaking from my dance, I then focused my attention on my cousin Robert.
With no forewarning, he chuckled urging me to continue.
“I am tired of Ben, the chaos, and this confusion. My intuition has been telling me for months that something is terribly wrong. Would you believe that some woman had the audacity to answer his phone yesterday when I called him on his lunch break?”
I asked unfolding my hands which had since gathered a small collection of sweat particles.
“WHAT?” Robert inquired in a high whisper, arching his right brow. He leaned in closer to keep the conversation discreet.
Shifting my eyes toward the left, I paused for a moment noting our waitress in close proximity. As she drifted by, I grew restless. Offering no words assuring us that she’d be with us momentarily, I gathered that she must be new. Yea, she has to be. I’ve never seen her here before, and besides, what seasoned waiter leaves their table waiting 10 minutes for a drink of water? My eyes exited from the back of her red up-do, and caught my cousin’s eager stare.
“Yea, that’s what I said to the woman who answered his phone. How in the World can you be my husband’s girlfriend?” I affirmed, voice now flux.
My eyes then diverted toward my left again. “Excuse me waiter,” Raising my hand, I impatiently motioned for the young red head.
I watched her raise a finger as an offering of her presence momentarily.
“And what was his excuse?” Robert asked tilting his head slightly, an indication that he was clearly bothered.
I gave him a sarcastic smile before continuing:
“Well, you know my dear husband assured me that an infatuated co-worker is trying to wreak havoc on our marriage.”
As I glanced at the time displayed on my phone’s screen: 9:08p, I massaged my temples as my frustration began to build with both the stagnant waitress and the painful divulgence.
My newly applied acrylic French tipped nail began to beat a soft melody against the table.
“Well, do you believe him?”
I let out a subtle sigh… “My heart believes him, Lord knows I love my husband. But… my mind keeps telling me otherwise. If this were the first time, then maybe I could accept his excuse. But, after 9 months of these incidental occurrences, I’m not so sure IBzzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzzzz. My Blackberry’s notification distracts the conversation. Scrambling around my purse, I retrieved the phone to see Ben’s name on the display.
“One second cousin, I have to answer this call. It’s Ben,” I explained giggling at the irony.
Hitting the answer button, I connected the phone to my ear:
“Hello?”
Silence countered my greeting.
“Ben?” I asked ignoring my cousin’s steadfast stare.
Our lines disconnect.
As I hit the re-dial button, a buzz jolted my phone before the call could re-connect.
“Here is your water, I am terribly sorry for the wait. Are you ready to order now?” Our absent waiter asks finally making her grand appearance. Go figure. I glanced at her awkwardly for a moment not easily swayed by her forced smile, and returned my gaze to the plum water.
“Ben, are you okay baby?” I asked with sincere concern.
“Thank you. Can we have a moment or two please?” I captured my cousin’s voice as an unfamiliar one simultaneously spoke:
“Yes, he is just fine.” A woman’s voice said as hysterical laughter ensued.
The call disconnected once more.
Turning blood red, my face broke out into a feverish temperature.
“What’s wrong Lisa?” Robert asked concerned.
“Nothing. Everything. Let’s just go.” I responded without meeting his eyes.
I snatched my cousin’s right hand into my left, spewed out five dollars for the now delivered once delayed water, and left our amateur waiter lingering onto her note pad in dismay.

5:12pm. Wiping away the nostalgic images, I plug my Blackberry into the charger located in the outlet behind the barstool where my purse lies, and rush down the hallway to my bedroom. What to wear, what to wear? Pulling back the finicky mirrored closet doors, I begin to ponder. I’m feeling quite divaesque this eve…Red? No. Form-fitting dress? Not tonight. Hmmmm. Oh, here it is: purple silk blouse, Italian silk bubble skirt that situates just above the knee, and 3 –inch leopard print heels; Mission accomplished! Rushing to shower, I pass the dated 1999 clock radio, and glance at the time, 5:31. Okay, I’ve got roughly an hour and a half; I need to make it to the South Bay no later than 7:30. I decide.
6:23, I look into the mirror admiring the beauty before me. I look like a million bucks! I ascertain, marveling at the baby faced, all woman body reflected in the mirror. My thought is cut short as I catch the time blaring from the clock radio: 6:28. Shoot, I still have to stop and get gas. Where is my leopard print purse? Frantically searching, my mind pinpoints its location after several mishaps: Oh yea, I let my baby sis Justine use it. I guess I’ll have to settle for the black clutch; that neglected thing needs some use anyway. Retrieving the clutch amid the myriad of other handbags atop my closet shelf, I discover a prescription bottle nestled inside its confines. Examining the bottle, my eyes affix on a name. Stacy Kirk, the label reads. My hands convulse in fury losing grip on the bottle; as it meets the floor seconds later, round white pills fly erratically. Freezing in a temporal trance, my mind retreats back to recent memory…

75, 80, 90mph my Infiniti pushes...
“Cousin, slow the hell down before you kill us!!!!” Robert caveats in terror.
Silence.
That darn bastard! My mind sped up with the pace of the car. I felt blood shoot up to meet my brain.
“What the heck is wrong with you woman? Have you lost your damned mind?!” He shouted in frustration.
I grunted.
I’m gonna kill him!! I reasoned, beginning to conjure a scheme: I’ll park a block away so he doesn’t notice me. No, I’ll have my cousin drop me off, and make th“Lisa, talk to me please!” Stunting my plot, Robert began to shake my shoulder with a sense of urgency, as he pleaded in desperation.
My eyes remained steadfast on the road, pulsating out of their sockets.
Silence.
I’ll have my cousin drop me off a few houses away and make the block. By the time he circles around, I should be done. My mind re-wanders. Just 10 more minutAbruptly, Robert tackled the wheel in a panicked frenzy…

Snapping back into reality, I impulsively pick up the bottle which now consists of only three tablets, and toss it into the clutch along with sixty dollars cash, a tube of clear lip gloss, my well-used cosmetic mirror, driver’s license, and a small bottle of hand sanitizer. Retrieving my keys from the countertop, I check the time once more 6:32pm, and hit the door heading toward Interstate 880.
7:17, I pull up to Robert’s two-story mustard and sage brick condo. Parking in front of a neighboring home, I exit my car and catch a view of his emerging silhouette.
“Lisa, you are killing them!!” My cousin utters swirling me around to get a 360 view of my attire. “Look at you all diva’d up, you look fabulous!”
I smile modeling 20 of my snow white Colgate’s.
“It’s been some time. I think I deserve it, don’t you think? It is long over due.”
I embrace my cousin’s chiseled 5’11 frame as though it’s the last time I’ll ever see him again.
“And you are fashionably clad yourself might I add” I chuckle admiring his dark grey, double-breasted Alfani suit.
“Well you know how we do it cousin,” Robert contends flicking his collar as he stepped back into a model stance as if he were posing for paparazzi. He let’s out a hearty laugh refuting my mere chuckle.
“Your car or mine?” I ask dancing my fingers through my curly locs.
“Well, I suppose yours would be the only one befitting for all of this fabulosity” He joked spinning around before trotting off in the direction of my Q45.
“Ok, let’s go.” I said clinging onto his right arm with my left as if my life depended on it. I secure my clutch in a chokehold under my right arm, setting off for the South Bay’s prestige Santana Row strip as my mind quickly detours…

My black 2004 Infiniti Q45 swerved just missing the center divide.
“What in the hell are you thinking? Are you trying to kill us??” My lungs peaked as I reclaimed control of the vehicle.
Heart beating with ferocity, I drum out “What would possess you to do something so stupid? You are an idiot!” Now singing, the reverberation of my lungs produced a high pitched melody.
My cousin’s hazel eyes glared at me. Parting his lips, he snapped “Woman, if you ever in your life check out on me again, I will personally kill you myself before we can even make it to John George.”
I began to laugh in hysteria until a river of tears conjured a waterfall which cascaded down my face, and landed into the sea of my lap.
“Are you bi-polar? One minute your crazy behind is dazed out, the next you’re yelling at me, and now your psycho self just went from laughing to crying. I am concerned, this is abnormal. Did you stop taking your meds?” He concluded, laughing at his own humor.
I wiped my tear-soaked face with the back of my hands and stared intently into Robert’s eyes.
“I’m not crazy, but right now I do feel insane.” I explained grabbing his left hand into mine. “After tonight, just make sure that I’m prescribed a lifetime supply of psych meds.” I calmly finished before returning my eyes to the highway.
Hegenberger Road the sign read, almost there. I mashed on the gas and set-off once more determined to reach my initial destination…

7:42pm. Re-capturing the time on my Blackberry, Robert and I enter through the glass doors of Le Bass, as a medley of seafood immediately welcomes us, attacking our nostrils. Hmmm I think, inhaling the sweet-smelling aroma of crab, lobster, and shrimp creations. My mouth starts to water as we approach the reservation booth.
“Table for two, please.” Robert’s baritone voice requests of the greeter.
Glancing at us, she smiles nervously. “Um, sure Sir. Just give me a few moments to clear a table, and I promise to be with you momentarily.”
“Thank you.” I slyly retort recalling the face of the amateur red-head. Mira her gold name tag reads.
Not tonight, Mira, please not tonight. I am in no mood for this.
Turning around, I note the look of amusement on Robert’s face smiling in childlike glee. I ignore his wit, and usher him toward the restaurants bar immediately adjacent to us.
Removing my trench and setting in on the back of the plush leather barstool, I fold my hands in front of me and rest my chin upon them.
“So, how has life been treating you cousin?” Robert inquires nestling his foot on the bottom rail of my stool.
“Rough.” I say sighing, slightly twisting right to left in my seat. “Quite rough. My hearing is scheduled for Tuesday, and I’m not certain what will come of it, but all I can do is pray that the charges are acquitted.” I continue, closing my eyes for a few moments in silent prayer. I open my eyes and rumble through my purse seeking the bottle of Tylenol I presume would assuredly alleviate this oncoming migraine.
“Well, you could have fooled me; you look absolutely stunning this evening.” He suggests giving me a one over. “It will be okay cousin, just keep leaning on the Lord and know that this too shall pass.” He consoles me, gently gliding his hand up and down my back.
Roberts comforting words embrace my heart.
“Can I have a glass of water with no ice please?” I ask the aged bartender. He looks about 75. Poor guy, he should be retired by now. I reason.
“And I will have a glass of Mondavi Merlot please.” Robert insisted. Glancing in the near distance, he eyed a voluptuous beauty nearing us. Her hips swaying like nobody’s business, his stare greets every asset of her robust figure.
I leave him to marvel, opting to spark a conversation with the silver-haired, pale-skinned bartender instead.
“How are you this evening Sir?” I ask as he places a glass of room temperature water in front of me.
I quickly retrieve two Tylenol pills from the bottle, and gulp them down with several sips of water.
“I am wonderful dear, thank you so kindly for asking.” His shaky voice asserts. Tossing his towel over his shoulder, he scans the inventory of wines.
Retreating to the 40-inch flat screen located in front of us, the Niner/Cowboy game pauses for break as the time flashes across the screen. 7:50
“Your table is now ready.” Mira says, attempting a willful smile as she approached us.
“Thank you Mira, as soon as my beloved cousin finishes awing his love interest, we will be ready.” I say laughing.
“Excuse me?” Robert cuts his attention from his new interest to offer an equal laugh.
Retrieving my coat from the back of the seat, I look up to see the voluptuous beauty Robert was once admiring, now before us. “Hello” she greeted, smiling at me with inquiring eyes. I catch a glimpse of her wavy, jet black, waist length hair. “Hello” I gesture moving my eyes toward her neckline which prominently displays a diamond encrusted “B” dangling from a white-gold chain. She looks familiar. Have I met her before? I’ve seen someone else with a necklace similar to that one. Prodding my brain, I don’t bother to notice Robert whip out his Iphone. She must be one of his old girlfriends from college. Hook-ups he used to refer to them as. Still confused, I stammer toward the table awaiting us, and leave Robert to tend to his business while my mind concedes to a daydream…

Arriving home minutes later, I instructed Robert to remain in the car until my return.
“Are you sure everything will be okay?” he questioned as I bolted from the vehicle leaving his question unanswered.
Heaving to catch my breath, I rested one hand on the door while using the other to insert the key into my apartment door. As the door flung open, time nervously ceased; I stand in cold shock, frozen in dismay…


Vindictive.
Clearly indicative of the pain that's been bestowed upon her
Love to her is quite eminent, while others find it very limited.
Why not just let her be, instead of inflicting debilitating injury?
Not one could grasp how it feels to be her, because in a world of hurt, let-downs, and disappointments, only loneliness stirs...
And still, she remains humble
Determined not to fall, trip, or stumble
Has she stalled? Or merely fumbled?
Too often life screams hell, feeling trapped inside a cell…of darkness
Agonizing in the cold, she hears nothing but utter silence/quite bothersome how many she finds so selfishly heartless
But,
she ponders, contemplating...Who is the one to blame?
The depths of her soul wishes for the pain to somehow wane… subside
But on the downside, in a world of rebellion, they will never abide; only incessantly conjure hurtful lies
So,
she becomes vindictive…
devising plans, schemes, releasing each and every inhibition
Some devious, others outright wicked
Not in evil sense, but in her ability to mastermind sophisticated antics
Mindful that two wrongs don’t make it right, her conscious attempts flight, but she fights, remaining steadfast.
Determined to exploit the culprits, and place them on full blast
How long will this mayhem last?
Seemingly,
for as long as it takes the initial intent to come to pass
She has had enough.
At the end of her rope, she fights back, refusing to continue to cope…with inflicted pain
Has she lost? Or did she gain?
Either way, fact remains that one should never dish out what they could never reclaim…Ten-fold
The hurt has caused her to become vindictive
As her life continues to unfold, payback has arose, and she falls
Remorseful
as the vengeance of her story seemingly remains untold

Open Ended… (A piece written about me by another writer) ;)

We sat there, enjoying the moment. Laughing, talking and eating, while others shared their work. I had lamb for the second time in my life, but it was the first time that I engage with such a beautiful mind, one that Russell Crowe would admire. We shared poetry and intimate stories about past loves and relationships. “Are there anymore who would like to speak tonight?” The crooked face, silver haired man shouted. We turned to each other with smiles that were exposing premature laughter, eyes edging the other to perform. “Want you go?” she said. Euphonious words sneaking through her commercial smile. “Naw, I’m not ready yet” I said disappointed in my self. “Maybe next time, you should go though” “Nope! I’ll go when you go” she snapped back. More laughter…


I was introduced to her by a couple of coworkers during happy hour a few years back, she went by the name Elisha. Red bone, with a Nubian touch, thick in the right places, I was visually amazed. But received the vibe that she wasn’t looking nor interested in what my immature mind had to offer. We shook hands sparingly. “Nice to meet you” she said “Likewise” as I glanced past the frames that contradicted the beauty of her eyes. As our contact faded away slowly, I pondered the word of a prolific writer… My vision has captured the world’s most beautiful eyes, emitting the mysteries of a profound soul… I quickly gathered myself, mentally brushing the dust of my swagg. The night was young, but I grew older as I blended in with the mature crowd. I watched her movements as we all relaxed and socialized.


The silver haired man introduced the next speaker. An older woman, well aged and very well spoken, who wore a scarf that tailed in the front way below her waist. She also wore a hat that represented the Fall weather that invited itself to mother’s nature party. She was the guest speaker for the night and had had a lot of poems to share. She took us upon her journey. A journey that was splendid but had the felling of a never ending story. “You ready to jet?” I whispered “Whenever you are” she replied “Aight lets cut” I said sharply. We gathered our belongings and applied our warmth protectors to our bodies. The guest speaker glanced as we prepared for the early exit. She waved goodbye as an appreciation for what we did listen to. We replied in unison with the same action. We were then escorted out by waiters who appreciated their jobs, and assisted in making this night a lovely one. As she cleaned off her specs, she looked into my face and asked “where to now” I froze like the midst in a cold winter, as I caught a glimpse of those familiar eyes. “Macarthur Bart” I mumbled as I went into thought.


It was a year ago on a Thursday, a weird day I thought to be holding an event such as this one. As I stood camouflaged with the youngsters I figured it shouldn’t take too long given that they have school in the morning. A positive outlook. I didn’t want to be there, around a bunch of overexcited teenagers, who were giddy about the Turf Dancers from L.A. My god-brother was hosting the show and told me he needed a hand. I raced over after work, and was intrigued at the fact that I got to watch the fashion show models practice. Another plus. The show was going smooth, it was very electric inside, surprised me on how much energy and emotion was put into it. I helped where I could, but ended up being the curtain boy. And there she was a beauty, sitting in the last chair of the middle section of the first row. Familiar looking but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. “I know her from somewhere” I thought to myself. A thought that became as irritating as a persistent fly. “Where do I know her from” I ask myself over the course of the show. By this time she had noticed my consistent stare. I then focused on the job at hand every time our eyes came close to meeting. I eventually conceded on figuring out where I knew her from, instead concentrating on her rare beauty. Red bone, with a Nubian touch, tantalizing eyes. I decided to approach and maybe see if she knew me or at least use that as a starter. As I walked towards her I noticed she was a mature woman just with a teenaged face. She was accompanied by two little girls. “I know you from somewhere, or you was in my dreams or something.” I opened hoping to induce a laugh. “Oh really” she replied sarcastically no smile in sight. “Yeah one of the two, kinda scarring me though.” No response, as she lifted the youngest child who was half sleep. “Would you like a hand, I’m on my way too.” “Naw I got it, I’m used to it.” She said, given me my reason to pursue. “Well, I can at least walk you guys out, you know these youngstaz can get wild sometimes.” I chuckled trying to be a mature gentleman. She agreed. “Sure that’ll be nice of you.” “Cool.” We walked and talked, I explained my reason of being there. She did the same, expression her daughters’ enjoyment for the art. I examined her curves as she adjusted the seat belt across her daughter’s fragile chest. “You have a lovely family, their father must be proud.” I said with a conniving thought. “He is” she snapped. But that wasn’t good enough to stop my persistence. “Is he around” I asked. “For them” she replied “O’ okay I get it.” I said with a smile. “We should exchange numbers, meet up for coffee something.” She blushed and I swear she could have been a model for a Colgate commercial. “That sounds fine.” She proceeded to give me her number, as I dialed it in my phone. I was so excited I almost forgot to get her name, so as I was walking off I asked. “Elisha” she shouted.


We shared our thoughts about the open mic as we rode the boulevard. I watched the street lights as the were glowing, reminded me of moments passing. Good Moments. We were comparing the urban open mic to the more conservative. We agreed that both feed the soul in their own way. We also talked about how good the Indian cuisine was. Also noting how we were going to pay for it later. It was a wonderful night that I felt we both enjoyed. We even committed the cardinal sin for writers, by discussing future projects. We shared internal secrets about them also, and how we planned to incorporate our lives in with the fiction. We had similar ideas. “You can let me out here” I said interrupting the flow of conversation. “O’ okay, thank you again for everything” she said softly. “The pleasure was all mine, trust me, thank you! For your time” I replied generously. “Okay have a good night, see you later” she said. “Oh for sure” I snapped back, but in my mind I was thinking definitely! No Goodbyes, but a ‘see you later’, just insurance of seeing her again. I walked off towards the station securing my bag on my back. Unveiling an irremovable smile. “See you later” I said to myself. Leaving the ending open to a new beginning…

My Cries Didn't Go Unheard


"When will it be my turn?!” I emphatically wail.

Why do I love so freely, so hard, and yet, it’s never reciprocated?” I retrieve my glass and imbibe the last drop.

What is so wrong with me?” Tears now stream profusely.

What have I done to deserve this?” My perpetual sobs now yield a blaring headache. Hyperventilating, I try to catch the last breath; reminiscing my mother’s departure...Holding onto her garment, only age 5; love was still cultivating, yet prematurely deprived.

My next breath inhales memories of the many loves I held onto…once found, only to be lost, while I was still holding on…I exhale, letting go of a ten year marriage.

It simply is not fair.” A nostalgic image of the self I grew so fond of that I believed “she” was the answer washes away with the next tear.

Why God, WHY??!!” I am trying to make sense of it all.

Please help me!!”

A being emerges; sleepily. Approaching me, I feel a warm kiss upon my tear stained cheek.
The visual of innocence is now conspicuous as my ears capture a voice: “I love you mommy,” my daughter utters.
Her consequential embrace comforts me before returning to her slumber, no longer interrupted. I sob at the revelation of my answer, knowing that my daughter didn’t hear my cries, but it was God who answered my pleas.

Drained, I find my way to bed, and nestle alongside my two daughters.
As I drift into a serene sleep, I whisper “I love you guys,” and hold onto to my children a bit tighter.

As our dreams coincide, my heart rests peacefully.
Solidified, and content knowing that although I may not have any(one) to reciprocate the love I give so timelessly, I have (two) lying right here beside me; always holding on, and forever loving me…

The Beauty of Your Eyes








My vision has captured the World’s most beautiful eyes, emitting the mysteries of a profound soul.
Mystifying desire summons, burning with infatuation.
Captivating glimpses of:

a child-like innocence

an unconditional love

the hidden pain

And

longing desires

of a fateful destiny.
The intimate visual penetrates an illusion of heaven; its spiritual ecstasy ascending to places yet to be seen.
Share with me the magic, and allow me to stare into the beauty of your eyes…
Until this moment transcends forever

THE BOTTLE


Red. White. Clear. Dark.
Mixed. Shot.
Straight...to the head. Ache
Why did you always take?
Away
No longer did I wish to be in bondage. Held-CAPtive
Each time, you turned your back on me
Stabbed---
Sick. Hung...over
Indulgent-Satiated-Jaded
I hated it
No fun. You only had me tired from the run(s)……….
Sick and Tired
Always sick then tired
Loss of time and energy. Fatigued. No damn reprieve...in sight
Unable to see, give me insight
I see
Clearly
Now cognizant
Truth is: I was once a slave to the bottle

MOTHER
















Surrogate
Biological
Adoptive
Foster
Step
In-Law
Portrayals of a mother
Parent
The bosom of a parent bears the heart of a mother.
Irreplaceable, she could never be another
Often duplicated
Closely replicated
Highly under-rated
Clearly stated.
The epitome of a lover.
Woman
Her
She.
Is...Queen of the human race.
Female
Lady
Mother… nature
Nurtur(h)er
Fight(h)er
Lov(h)er
Comfort(h)er
Conceived by the person also known as: Mom. Mommy. Mama. Ma.
She that births beauty, nurtures love, and yields abundantly, can only be called a Mother.

The Rayne is Here



She reigns
A N N
e a
w m
e
Not a given, but a chosen
Without fa├žade or fabrication, the new title offers a truncation of her profound make-up
Not made-up, she sees herself
Solidified; and propelling to seens unknown
The unseen
Having neither inkling nor clue of what's in store
she continues to emphatically produce more...
Organically grown transcriptions
of
her life story;
Depicting nuances of Rayne
Perpetual mind
Deep thoughts
Unrelenting
because
never could she stop.
Reigning....
A downpour of precipitation
She pours out her heart and soul
to the world
Resounding.
Quite astounding
even to her the magnificence behind her innate craft
Undesiring to do the math
she opts to write.
Formulas. Problems. Equations.
Scribing answers to a series of theories.
Reverberation
inner stimulation
deep penetration
scriptural elation
creative high
Behold,
because here she comes
Rayning...........

Truth. Unspoken.


It is you who resides in a non-verbal world

The one that was once apart of my used-to-be, former life

The one of strife, empty promises, and sad goodbyes

I try to remain patient and humble, while you seem content having me in this limbo

Honestly, do you think it’s that simple?

Admittedly, the intimacy is remarkably amazing…

so you question then what’s missing? The fruition of something called an interpersonal relationship

Dictation: the removal of short-lived physicality

and replenished with the longevity of abundant substance... in all actuality

Nourished with time, energy, and understanding,

it then cultivates into tangible communication.

Not left to ascertain unknown obscurities

which in turn alludes to the many insecurities and theories of conspiracies.

Quite simple,

yet still, the succession requires two

Become aware that none can attain the caliber of being me

You see,

the jewel before you never settles…for less; only the best

And the rest?

Omit the lies, games, and B.S, and give me You

Full Throttle

Not the pre-existing Red Bull

Break the charade of silence, and speak volumes

ALOUD

Damn the proud, pompous, egotistical

Divulge yourself to a bonafide woman that's Sublime

She that is situated

atop a diamond mine

Having since spoken.

Word.

In my own words, infused with reigning emotion, it is now your turn to speak.

Openly Allow me to hear your voice No longer aloof, reveal to me the unspoken truth...



Copyright © 2009 Rayne

Naked


Stripped.
Bare.
Vulnerable.
Combating this feeling of love…
A battle which derives from thoughts which she can’t quite divulge…
Because, while adamant that she has no clue of what’s in store,
what she detects is the chemistry that’s constantly evoked,
and her yielding to the intense desire of wanting more.
They’ve managed to contrive a compound deciphering a new basic element of life…
H2One of which can never be attained twice.
Although she could never suffice her value for the feelings that she feels,
fervent thoughts and emphatic emotions ignites a seething fire…
one that rages insatiably.
Her feelings are revealed through intimacy, exposing the truth of her inner being.
A vulnerable child who conceals herself.
Locked.
Guarded.
Hidden.
Away with the key, never to be found…
Out of fear.
Why then can’t she discern what’s real?
Or faux.
Maybe it’s best that she remains invisible… ghost.
Because, the cost may be too much to pay.
And If it is so, why it is that she continues to play...
with fire?
She repulses liars, empty desires, and dangerous admirers,
so, reiterate once more then, why she settles for this uncertain feeling of which disappointment is bound to transpire?

Copyright © 2009 Rayne

I Bid You Farewell


Today, I'd like to bid farewell to a lifelong friend.

You have been in my life for as long as I can recall. We've had a lot of time spent together. We've argued, we've struggled, and yes we fought, but I refused to allow you to keep me in bondage. Only you possess the ability to stimulate within me the intense feelings of: nervousness and butterflies in my stomach, you make me sweat like no other, cause me to cry during my most vulnerable times, and relentlessly, you keep me blushing while bearing a smile on my face.

However, our relationship has been quite tumultuous. You constantly doubt me, incessantly exploit me, and vehemently make a mockery of me. I refuse to allow you to hinder my progress any longer. No more in hiding, the removal of all fear, and weakened emotions eradicated. Although I have grown and have learned a lot from you, it is time for me to reclaim my life as I say goodbye. Sorry to disappoint you, but I have to break this cycle of imprisonment.

It's been quite a roller coaster ride, but I am glad to have known you because through you, I have become a stronger person. You have instilled in me confidence, esteem, self-assurance, and strength. I thank you my friend for aiding in my transformation, and although you may disapprove, I shall now continue my life without you. Good bye my friend Anxiety. I wish you well, and may think of you from time to time, but I will never see you again. I release you to go on about your journey... without me. (remove the handcuffs) I bid you Farewell.

Signed,
Your life long friend Rayne

Vindictive


Clearly indicative of the pain that's been bestowed upon her
Love to her is quite eminent, while others find it very limited.
Why not just let her be, instead of inflicting debilitating injury?
Not one could grasp how it feels to be her, because in a world of hurt, let-downs, and disappointments, only loneliness stirs...
And still, she remains humble
Determined not to fall, trip, or stumble
Has she stalled? Or merely fumbled?
Too often life screams hell, feeling trapped inside a cell…of darkness
Agonizing in the cold, she hears nothing but utter silence/quite bothersome how many she finds so selfishly heartless
But,
she ponders, contemplating...Who is the one to blame?
The depths of her soul wishes for the pain to somehow wane… subside
But on the downside, in a world of rebellion, they will never abide; only incessantly conjure hurtful lies
So,
she becomes vindictive…
devising plans, schemes, releasing each and every inhibition
Some devious, others outright wicked
Not in evil sense, but in her ability to mastermind sophisticated antics
Mindful that two wrongs don’t make it right, her conscious attempts flight, but she fights, remaining steadfast.
Determined to exploit the culprits, and place them on full blast
How long will this mayhem last?
Seemingly,
for as long as it takes the initial intent to come to pass
She has had enough.
At the end of her rope, she fights back, refusing to continue to cope…with inflicted pain
Has she lost? Or did she gain?
Either way, fact remains that one should never dish out what they could never reclaim…Ten-fold
The hurt has caused her to become vindictive
As her life continues to unfold, payback has arose, and she falls
Remorseful
as the vengeance of her story seemingly remains untold

Copyright © 2009 Rayne

He Disclosed


That he possessed the ability to reach me
telepathically
Why me?
You were never my type
The,
stereotypical, easy on the eyes, ladies man didn’t awe me to look twice
So,
why send harmonic vibes?
My vice?
His beauty, luster, and presence was strikingly nice.
The
fleshly desire that all ladies love to admire.
Devour.
But it was he that possessed the power…to a mythical degree΅
his pedigree?
Was one that all women could agree…unanimously
It was he that we all wished, desired, and fantasized to be as WE
So tell me.
Telepathy?
Why use it one me?
I was never your “type”, initially stereotyped until you came to the realization that I was “the prototype” which compelled you to think twice
We both discovered that our initial inclinations were incorrect. Both per-fect-ly, im-per-fect
But as you stated.
"It was time,
And a Blessing
"
Far from perfection, just heed the lesson, while we keep them guessing...with mental cues
Funny thing is they have NO clue
Nor can they fathom the degree that your te-le-path-y possessed to capture me
In the eyes, is where everything lied. Hoping they aren’t mere lies I wish to never despise.
No dismal surprises or upsetting discoveries, just learn me, teach me, and continually reach me---spiritually---mentally---physically---tel-e-pathic-al-ly


Copyright © 2009 Rayne

I Gave You ALL of Me


I gave you all of me.
Every inch, ounce, piece, and bit of me.
Genuinely;
I offered you me, the one that only few bare witness or gain the right to see.
Many wish, desire, and long for me, not one of them could ever be… because only you, could I give my entirety.
Openly;
Why did I give you so much of me?
Certainly; I was stupid to give you my heart, love, and allow you to partake in my ecstasy.
Because clearly, you didn’t want me, only the use of my body.
Damn, this is hard for me, and you never even uttered sorry…
I take it as you being ignorant and immature…
translation: a nobody.
Even presently;
I admire your creativity…
the initial plan, hashed out, implemented, but in the end, it was only you that cashed out.
Then you chalk it up as having clout?
Now that, I highly doubt…
because coward is more befitting, it’s the name you should tout.
You say I should just let it be?
Look at me, do you not see my feelings? Tear stained cheeks…slowly drying.
I wish to rewind, back to the time when m.e. was e.m., still me, only inadvertently. Fast forward…
Now look at me.
Pitiful, sorry, wasted, and abused…
never once did I see any clues.
The way I feel? I ache to heal.
Damaged goods, leftovers, expired, not even recyclables, just someone NOT for hire. When then will I love again?
Unanswered.
I still need time for my heart to mend.
And then… is when I can possibly love again.
Reluctantly; this time, can I only offer glimpses, visuals, some of, and only part of me

Copyright © 2009 Rayne